Living apart 2 min read
We moved away. The friendship didn't have to.
We still shared jokes in the group chat. I missed knowing what was happening in their everyday lives.
Illustrative story A friend who moved to another city
An illustrative story informed by public discussions. The narrator and their words are fictional; this is not a customer testimonial.
I knew what they'd posted. I didn't know what kind of week they'd had.
Before I moved, friendship happened in the gaps. We would walk home together or decide to eat somewhere because neither of us wanted to cook. After the move, staying close became something we had to arrange, which made it surprisingly easy to leave undone.
Our group chat kept going. I knew what they'd posted. I didn't know what kind of week they'd had. A busy thread could make a month feel full of contact, even when I hadn't spoken to one of my closest friends on their own.
I added two friends to Relationshipss rather than trying to recreate my whole social life in a list. I chose a monthly rhythm for one and fortnightly for the other. We weren't measuring the friendship; those were simply intervals I wanted to try.
When a reminder appeared, I asked about a short call rather than waiting for a visit we would both have to plan months ahead. We used the same calling app as before. Afterward, I recorded the catch-up and sometimes kept one short line about something I wanted to ask next time.
A call isn't the same as sitting in their kitchen. Some weeks neither of us has much energy, and sometimes we move the conversation to another day. But there is room for an ordinary exchange between the big reunions. I don't need a birthday, a holiday or an impressive update to get in touch.
Where Relationshipss fits
Keep different contact rhythms for different friends and record one-to-one catch-ups. An optional short line can preserve something the person chooses to remember.
Group messages are not automatically read or counted. The app does not tell you how close a friendship is, or replace the time you spend together.
Who have you been meaning to call?
Choose a few people and a rhythm that works for you. Keep the conversation in the calls, messages and meetups you already enjoy.
Start your listResearch behind this story
These discussions inform the situation. Their authors have not endorsed Relationshipss, and the story does not describe their experience with the app.
- Reddit: friendship maintenance after college and a moveA firsthand discussion of losing everyday proximity and finding initiation difficult. The narrator and group-chat scenes are fictional.
- Reddit: keeping adult friendships closeA discussion of catch-ups becoming harder to arrange as adult routines change.
Editorial review: .