My days off never looked like anyone else's.

The invitation would arrive while I was working. By the time I saw it, the plan was settled and I couldn't make it. After a few rounds of that, I began to reply with some version of next time. I meant it. I just rarely knew when next time would be.

A free Tuesday morning didn't help much when everyone else was at work. On the evenings they were available, I sometimes wanted nothing more than food and sleep. Nobody had done anything wrong, but I worried that repeatedly saying no was starting to sound like I wasn't interested.

I put a couple of friends into Relationshipss and chose a monthly rhythm to begin with. I wasn't asking it to arrange our calendars. I wanted a place to remember that I still wanted to see them, even when the last invitation had been impossible.

When someone came up in Today, I checked my rota before messaging. Instead of saying we should catch up soon, I could offer the two evenings I actually had. If neither worked, we sometimes exchanged voice notes in our usual chat. I recorded a catch-up when we had really connected, rather than treating a missed call as a conversation.

There are still months when plans don't work. I can choose Later or make the rhythm less frequent when work is taking more out of me. I like that I can come back to the same people without turning every free day into an obligation. The list is there when I have some room.